my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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