How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
