I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
