dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize