Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
