how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
