I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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