tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
