apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
