The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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