Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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