Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
