I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dignity is for republicans.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your penis caused this!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize