there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
