Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
