FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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