I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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