discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's shark week go big or go home
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
