i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
