My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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