The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
