It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
