When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
