oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
