see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
