I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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