Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
