Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
