So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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