Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
