We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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