i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
