I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
