Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I party with great urgency now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
