It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
