i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
