I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
