ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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