weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
