I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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