$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have aggressive nipples.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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