Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
