she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
