I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
