you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
