If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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