Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
