You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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