2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
