his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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