i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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