We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
