I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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