Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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