If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
