I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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