textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't put those talents on a resume
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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