My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
