I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
