Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
