hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
