and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
