I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
