you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize