No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
