I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
