Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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