3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
from now on my penis is your penis
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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