I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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