Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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