You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
