things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
