some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
