it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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