Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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