im drinking this country out of the recession.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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