yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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