I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your penis caused this!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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