I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
