I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
