im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
