Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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