Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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