it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
